EXPECTATIONS

November, 2019

Frankfurt

The subject of 'expectations' makes me think about itself a lot. Again, I started looking for mistakes in myself. I'm thinking. Which expectations can I have, from whom?

Why did I need to classify or list my expectations? Your self-expectation may change from the person you meet at that moment according to each mood, conditions, person, people around, the country you live in and even everything that changes that day. I will never talk about "expectation from life". Because I cannot have an expectation from life. There is a life given to us, everything we experience is our responsibility, unless we lose it. It becomes life as we live. Our actions constitute our lives. In this case, we cannot expect something from life because we build it already. We can only expect things from ourselves and -as a mistake- from the others.

But how accurate is it to try to formulate 'expectation' despite being such a flexible phenomenon?

Let's say we put aside our expectations in the bilateral relationship to see the picture clearly, what we want and what we do not want. Here we try to get to know ourselves and see a clear picture as a result and judge and standardize our self. Then we will say 'these are my expectations' and we will clarify our relationship according to this, if they meet our list or not.

If you have taken chemistry lessons in high school, as a scientific formation for equations, there is a rule as 'Standard conditions for temperature and pressure'.

So even water boils at 100 Centigrade degrees only by standard conditions. When I read this sentence somewhere in the past, I was incredibly shocked 😊 I had a strange enlightenment, I was sitting and thinking about it and saying, "Yeah, yes!"

So what is wrong with what we do if we have expectations from ourselves or from anyone? This is where we have to catch the phrase Standard Conditions. It is impossible for me to expect that all the conditions we are in are suitable. Therefore, it would be unfair to expect our expectations to be stable, because, life has not norms. In any case, you only can expect things in accordance with the feelings that you have at that moment, that depends on the conditions that you are involved and that lets you only have the right to expect from that status or places where you put the other in. The belief that you have listed or seen, trained, learned from someone else, "I want the following - I must ask" is totally wrong and impossible. Expectations change. It changes with time and everything. For this reason, I actually say you cannot expect anything from anyone. You can only expect something from yourself and the ties/relationships that you are a part of.

Why should you wait for something entirely from someone else instead of fulfilling things by yourself or by a common bond you belong to? This faulty attitude only makes you addicted to the others. Terms and conditions take away you freedom.

Also, is there any meaning for those expectations unless that person knows what do you expect from them?

Why do we write a scenario and we expect the other person to play it (without being sure if it will happen or not) ?

Does that person have to do it,just because we are expecting something from them?

If someone knows our expectations and fulfills them, is this really what you want?

Would we be happier by reducing our expectations or should we be satisfied by their natural behavior ?

The subject is evolving here to 'changing a bit for someone else'. We don't want this, right ? We must remain ourselves and solve this by managing our ties in the outer lanes (everything around and out of us).

So what are we going to change? When I ask this question exactly, it comes to my mind, that our expectations should not be from individuals but from associations.

In other words, we can determine what we expect from our associates, but we cannot expect any from the others. In this process, if the subject is “relationship” (it was for me when writing this article), we should have an expectation not only from ourselves, not also from the other person, but only and only from the relationship between us.

It will not be right to take only ourselves or only others under responsibility. It would not be correct to try to put the others in a mold that is not their own decision. Instead of an individual expectation, we should expect something from a common communication link, moments and memories, activities, future plans, or phenomenon.

As a result, I can show that the people, we sometimes want to share things with, makes us happy being with them, even if we sacrifice from them, even though they do not meet the expectations we put into patterns. Likewise, I can show that we change our expectations over time, and sometimes we tend to fill gaps with other sources. What do I mean?

Here I would like to exemplify it to you by an assumption to make it clear that 'we change expectations from person to person and from time to time. Let's say you expect the person in front of you to be honest to you, but he is hiding something from you instead of telling you all the facts about a subject. In this case, you might think that the other person is not honest. In this thought this person does not meet your expectations. However, if you want to tolerate that person, you may ignore his attitude and think in a way, that at least he has not lied to you and so you tend to change your expectations in that person. This is just because you want to tolerate that person. Nothing else. So easy. This makes me realize that the expectation cannot be standardized and also does not really have to be there, if we talk about people. We can just specify the expectations from the connections or relationships, but not from any 'human being at a time'. We can/should not qualify our expectations and judge others in that context.

It would be just an injustice to the others and a lie to our self.

Thanks and many greetings..